My Story
For so long – really the first 50 years of my life – I hid my true self from the world. I carefully built an image of a competent, confident, contained woman.
In my consulting practice, I helped nonprofits attract more money and be more strategic. While I loved working with people committed to social change, asking catalytic questions, thinking strategically and creating better systems, I was doing so from a controlled – but not wholly me – place.
And it was exhausting.
I spent my life scanning, performing, fixing, solving. I believed it wasn’t safe to let my figurative and literal stomach hang out. So I held my whole self in.
Until I simply couldn’t do it anymore.
I was no longer willing to shove myself into a tailored, gray suit and high heels when I’d rather be barefoot, in shorts and a tank top in my backyard.
I quit my business and ended up taking a 4+ year break from the world to find out who I truly and deeply was. I spent months largely in my house, venturing out for errands or a daily walk. Friendships based on how I thought I “should” be, fell away.
There were huge stretches of time where my husband and boys were the only people I talked to.
During those fairly lonely years, something began to emerge…tiny flickers of JOY.
By experimenting, I discovered my brand of joy comes from—
wrestling paving stones in our garden,
hiking in the woods,
getting messy with watercolors and cut up LIFE magazines,
biking around the city,
camping near the ocean,
eating chocolate whenever I want,
watching old movies,
enjoying a nightly cocktail,
making jam from foraged berries...
In quitting my business and dropping out of the world, I found something so incredibly sweet.
When I stopped listening to what I “should” do and started following what lights me up, life suddenly became so much easier, and so much more FUN.
I also realized that I don’t have to earn, prove or chase my belonging.
I have always, already belonged. And so does everyone else.
Recently I’ve become curious about a question that connects my old life with my new one —
What could our money systems become if we started with two fundamental assumptions—that everyone belongs and everyone has agency?
If my story and my curiosity resonate with you, you can read more through my writing or reach out (nnedgington@gmail.com). I’d love to hear what you’re curious about.